The hidden printer menu – if you find it can you please let me know

Printers basically do one thing – they put ink or toner on paper.

Multi-function printers do a little more than that, but not much – they also scan and copy.

Looking at the screen on a modern printer though, you would think that they did a lot more than that. They are the most cluttered user interfaces I have ever seen. The one in the office where I work has 48 different options in copy mode on the front screen, and that’s not including all the sub-screens that you can get to.

I’ve spent years fascinated by the ever-increasing complexity that printer manufacturers continue to add.

My interest in printer interfaces has been driven by two fascinations: The first is an interest in design, of which most printers are a mind-boggling example of visual clutter. The second fascination is a quest to find a hidden menu that I’m sure most printers have. These are the options that I think this hidden menu has on it:

  • Crinkle and crease paper
  • Eat corner of paper
  • Don’t print the bottom of the page
    • Sub menu: Don’t print the most important information at the bottom of the material being printed if someone has been foolish enough to put it there
  • Shuffle sheets:
    • Sub menu: print the first 10 pages correctly to fool the person picking up the printout into thinking that it’s not shuffled
  • Print at an angle
    • Sub menu: Pick an angle that’s been scientifically proved to be the most annoying to anyone with an eye for such things
  • Swap orientation:
    • Sub menu: landscape on portrait
    • Sub menu: portrait on landscape
    • Sub menu: landscape inverse on portrait
    • Sub menu: portrait inverse on landscape
  • Queue shuffle
    • Sub menu: print the biggest printout first
  • Pick your paper:
    • Sub menu: A4 on A3
    • Sub menu: A3 on A4
    • Sub menu: prefer any coloured paper that someone puts in the printer for a specific printout so there’s none left for their printout
  • Just beep
    • Sub menu: continuous beeping
  • Output tray randomise
  • Randomly pick from the above
    • Sub menu: increase randomness when printout shows signs of being urgent
    • Sub menu: pick multiples when printout shows signs of being really urgent

If you have managed to work out where this menu is I’d appreciate knowing where it is, thanks.

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