Just in case you have any false impressions – I’m a man and I’m British.
There are a few things that British men are renowned for one of them is our reserve. American’s have drive, Italian’s have flamboyance, we British have the delights of reserve.
This reserve has a number of impacts upon us, one of them is our ability to give a receive a hug. Shaking hands is fine, because this allows us to point a small part of ourselves outside of our personal space and into the neutral zone between acquaintances. Unfortunately there just isn’t a satisfactory way to give a hug and still maintain personal space. Personal space is very important to us and has to be maintained at all cost.
If you don’t know what personal space is, it’s that space around you which only very special people get to enter without making you feeling uncomfortable.
We British are very particular about our personal space and don’t share it easily.
The problems of reserve become even more complex when it comes to letting another man into your personal space. Don’t get me wrong, we don’t like women in our personal space, but men, that is another category of complexity all together. There are men that I have known for years who I would not let into my personal space, especially work colleagues. Work colleague, what am I saying, that’s unthinkable.
The strange thing is, we actually like a hug. It has been speculated that the reason that the British are so good at creating team games is that they give us a place where we can share personal space without the complexity.
I am very privileged to have a number of male friends with whom I can share a hug without any of the complexity or the need for a team game. They are very welcome inside my personal space, but it’s taken a long time to get to this point.
Not only that, though, there are occasions when the reality of God inside my personal space is almost tangible. The parables of the lost (Lost Sheep, Lost Coin, Lost Son) in the Bible talk about God’s longing to search for and to embrace each of us. This reaches it’s climax in the parable of the lost son as the son is approaching home. Jesus says this:
“When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him.”
The father is the parable is a picture of God and his longing to come and to embrace us as we turn to him.
For anyone wanting to give a hug today, please remember the correct etiquette:
Graham Chastney 